Die Without You
by Damion Starr
Summary: If I have to take apart all that I am, is there anything that I would not do? 'Cause inside I'd die without you. SLASH: John SheppardAiden Ford


Die Without You

Author's Note: A Stargate: Atlantis slash story. Why? Because I wanted to be the first...well, to do this pairing on at least. John Sheppard/Aiden Ford slash. Once more, this is a SLASH story. Don't like it, tough, and don't read. All flames are fed to my dogs, as well as the flamers. Constructive criticism is welcome, though, as well as praise. Contains spoilers for "Hide and Seek" and "38 Minutes".

Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis is not mine.

If I have to give away

The feeling that I feel

If I have to sacrifice

Oh, whatever baby, whatever baby

If I have to take apart

All that I am

Is there anything that I would not do

'Cause inside I'd die without you

"Die Without You" Brandy

Major John Sheppard winced as Lieutenant Aiden Ford's agonized scream issued through the intercom. It cut off abruptly, leaving Atlantis frozen in anticipation. There was a frustratingly long silence, followed by a sentence that made John's heart stop beating: "I need a med team, fast, there's a man down and he's not breathing!"

Sheppard immediately ran over to the elevator/closet. "Take care of Jinto," John barked at Doctor Rodney McKay, who was just about to protest when the doors closed. John was quickly whisked back to the hallway where Teyla Emmagan and Doctor Elizabeth Weir were waiting. "Beckett!"

"Yes, Major," Doctor Carson Beckett's panicked, thickly accented voice came over the intercom.

"How's he doing?" John spoke as he ran toward the infirmary.

"I'm still performing CPR, Major, but he's not responding," John swallowed, but kept running.

"Keep at it,"

"Will do,"

John finally skidded to a stop in front of the infirmary door. The door swished open, and immediately a nurse was in his face. "You can't come in here, sir," John wasn't paying attention to her, though. Beckett was kneeling over Aiden's body, throwing all of his weight onto the Lieutenant's chest and barking orders. "Sir, you can't come in here," As John watched, Beckett climbed off the gurney in defeat. Sheppard pushed past the nurse.

"What are you doing?" Beckett looked up. "Is he okay?" Before John could reach Aiden's bedside, Carson stopped him.

"Major-"

"Is he okay?!" John half yelled. Carson set his hand on Sheppard's shoulders.

"He's gone, John,"

The major stared, open-mouthed, at him for a moment, then began to slowly shake his head. "No,"

"I'm sorry, John. We did everything we could, but-"

"No!" John pushed the doctor aside. "Aiden? Aiden, wake up, please," Sheppard held Ford's face in his hands. "Aiden! Aiden, c'mon," John's voice cracked. "Aiden, it's John, please, _please_ wake up,"

Two Marines abruptly materialised behind John. "Sir, please come with us," John barely even noticed their presence.

"Aiden," He whispered brokenly. Suddenly, those two Marines began dragging John away from his Lieutenant. "No! Let me go!" John struggled violently, but in vain. "Aiden? AIDEN!"

"Aiden!" John sat up in his hospital bed, startled awake. Teyla, who had been sleeping in the chair beside his bed, grabbed his shoulders.

"Major Sheppard, are you all right? Should I get Dr. Beckett?" She asked, concerned. John stared blankly at her for a moment, still half asleep, then shook his head.

"No, don't get Beckett, I'm fine," Teyla nodded, released him, then slowly sank back into her chair. John laid back down, his dream still running through his head. "Where's Aiden?" It was Teyla's turn to stare blankly. "Aiden, where is he? I want to see him," John reiterated. Teyla looked down at her hands, which rested in her lap. "Teyla?" She refused to look up. "Teyla, where is Aiden?" Teyla closed her eyes briefly, then finally looked up at him.

"You do not remember?"

"Remember what?" John asked, confused.

"Aiden Ford is gone," Teyla said softly. "He was unable to hold on when he opened the rear hatch on the ship of the ancestors," John stared at her again, uncomprehending. "He is dead, John," Teyla finished, her voice little more than a whisper. John shook his head. The motion was jerky.

"No," He breathed.

"I am sorry, Major Sheppard. I thought you knew,"

"No," Was all John could say.

"Major-"

"No!" John suddenly exploded. "No, it's not true!"

"Yes, it is," Teyla's voice remained calm and soft.

"No, it's not! He can't be dead!"

"I'm sorry,"

"No! Nononononononono," John shook his head violently, like a disagreeable child. Teyla said nothing.

"Aiden," The word tumbled from John's lips as his eyes flew open.

"Woah, take it easy, Major," Beckett urged as he appeared at Sheppard's bedside.

"Aiden," John repeated, this time more as a question. Carson was caught off guard.

"I believe he's in his quarters, sleeping. At least, he should be. I certainly drugged him enough," John's brow furrowed.

"Drugged?"

"Yeah. He wasn't sleeping, so I kind of slipped him something to get him to sleep. He should be knocked out in his room,"

"Can I go see him?"

"How are you feeling, Major?" John suppressed the urge to hit the Scot, but it was hard.

"I'm fine," Sheppard snapped. "Can I go see him?" Carson sighed in defeat.

"Yes, you can go. Just take it easy,"

John paced outside the door to Ford's quarters, battling internally with whether he should go in or not. He had no idea what to say, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep unless he actually saw that Aiden was all right. "Okay, I go in-" John muttered to himself, but was cut off when the door opened. Sheppard froze midstride. "Damn Ancient technology," He cursed under his breath, cautiously approaching the open doorway. He crossed the threshold, and the door immediately closed.

Most of the room was dark. The only light filtered through the frosted glass door. The dim light fell on the bed on the other side of the room, and Aiden's sleeping form. Ford laid on his back, with his legs twisted toward the wall and curled up toward his chest, and his face turned away from the door and John. Sheppard soundlessly crossed the room and knelt beside Aiden. His lieutenant suddenly shifted in his sleep, rolling over onto his side to face John. The major held his breath for a moment, expecting to get caught, but Aiden just reached blindly for his blanket, which had been kicked to the end of his bed. John pulled the comforter up over him, gently pushing Ford's groping hand back down. Aiden went still as John tucked him in. Sheppard's hand hovered over Aiden's head, and John was just about to touch him when there was a knock at the door.

"Lieutenant? Sir?" John froze as Aiden's eyes opened and fixed on him.

"Yeah?" Aiden said, not to John, but to the soldier at his door.

"It's your shift, sir,"

"Thank you," Both heard whoever it was at the door walk away and Aiden sat up as the lights came on. "Sir? What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you," John replied, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Check on _me_?" Aiden repeated, incredulous. John could only nod.

"I was worried," John said with a shrug. Aiden arched an eyebrow.

"Okay," This time, Aiden shrugged. He threw aside his covers and stood. John jumped to his feet as well. The two men stared at each other for a moment. "I have watch," Aiden finally said, moving around John. Sheppard remained frozen for a second, then turned just as Ford was about to leave.

"Meet me later? On the balcony?" Aiden looked back at John, then nodded before he left his Major alone.

John looked back over his shoulder as the door behind him opened, then closed. There was a heavy silence before Aiden finally asked: "You wanted to see me, sir?" John looked back out over the city of Atlantis and the sea beyond it.

"Drop the 'sir', Ford, you know we're beyond that at this point,"

There was a pause, followed by light footfalls. Aiden appeared at John's side. "As long as you stop calling me 'Ford', John. You're right. We're way beyond protocol at this point," He said seriously, also staring out at the horizon.

"Okay, Aiden," John said after a second.

The two stood in comfortable silence, feigning interest in what was before them, when in fact both were more interested in the person beside them.

"How're you doing?" Aiden finally broke the silence.

"I'm fine," John looked over at Aiden. "How are you?" The lieutenant shrugged.

"I'm okay," John stared at him. Aiden refused to look over until it finally got to him. "What?" The younger man looked up at his CO.

"You're lying,"

Aiden sighed heavily. "Really, sir, I'm fine," Ford pushed himself away from the railing and turned toward the door. John, without thinking, without even _planning_ to, grabbed Aiden's wrist, pulled the smaller man to him, and kissed him deeply. Aiden tensed in John's arms, unsure of what to think, do, or even feel. Sheppard broke the kiss a moment later and pulled back, wide-eyed as Aiden. He released his Lieutenant's wrist.

"I'm sorry, I..." John trailed off, tongue-tied. The two diverted their gazes, their faces on fire. "You died," John finally whispered, staring out at the sea.

Aiden, who had been focused on the wall, looked up at this. "What?" John, against his will, looked up as well.

"I had a dream that you died this afternoon. Actually, it was more like a dream within a dream. First, I dreamt that black shadow thing that Jinto released got you, then I dreamt that you were thrown out into space when you opened the rear hatch on the _Jumper_," John stared into Aiden's bottomless eyes a moment longer, then looked away. Aiden found something fascinating about the ground.

"I dreamt that you died, too," Aiden said softly. "From that damn bug thing. I stopped your heart, and they couldn't revive you," There was a long, uncomfortable silence until John finally sighed and looked over at his second-in-command.

"Aiden," Ford closed his eyes briefly, then looked up as well. John found himself lost in Aiden's dark eyes. Sheppard slowly reached out and gently touched the other man's cheek. Aiden made no move to shed his touch.

"John, I-" Aiden was cut off by John's lips on his own. This time, Aiden kissed his CO back, snaking his arms around John's slim figure. John slid one hand around to the back of Aiden's neck, while the other rested on the small of his Lieutenant's back. Their bodies pressed together, so close they could feel each others hearbeats, and even though it wasn't enough, for either man, their lips broke apart.

"I love you, Aiden," The words tumbled from John's mouth in a mix of relief and apprehension. The apprehension disappeared quickly, however, when Aiden smiled, albeit shyly.

"I love you, too, John," Aiden replied quietly. John couldn't help but grin and the two kissed passionately.

Fini

Author's Closing Thought: So? Whatcha think? I've been wanting to write a Sheppard/Ford slash story for a while, so, here it is! Please review? Don't make me beg.


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